Saturday, 27 June 2015

Modelling Again

So far this year I've not very little modelling until the last week or so. I've not been very well over the last few months - quite often I've simple had no desire to do any modelling, or much else for that matter. It a very strange way to be, life seems too much sometimes but I feel that I can really appreciate the good things. Suzi and I have been very lucky to have had a second, very healthy child who is (and I know I'm biased!) just adorable! Abbie smiles and grins all the time, seemingly unable to contain her happiness a lot of the time! And Thomas just a simply a lovely little boy, even though we'd love to find his volume switch sometimes! And all of this is held together by Suzi who is very much a long suffering train widow at times!

The advancing model of 47380 Immingham - Lima model as it's basis with Ultrascale wheels and a selection of Plastikard parts! The underframe used the 'Bayer Method' as described by the former Rail Express editor, Gareth Bayer, a good few years ago in DEMU Update. Soon it will have a lovely selection of Shawplan etchings added too.

And with all of this it makes it all the more frustrating for me - questioning while I can feel so low with so many good things around me. But depression doesn't really make sense; it's indiscriminate and can have a huge impact on people from all backgrounds and walks of life. And yet as a society we still don't really do enough to look after everyone's mental health and do poorly when it comes to provide resources to look after and treat those affected. The ridiculous waiting times should make the government ashamed... It makes me all the more appreciative to have been re-referred and seen so quickly this time. And hopefully it'll benefit not just me but also family and friends.

The new therapy is taking quite a different approach from last time - I was asked what would I like to be able to do or do differently. A main one was spending with my family but also just with Suzi too - she's just finished her degree so it should be a lot easier now! But it's also the 'extras' which I really wanted to do again - cricket and modelling being the two main ones. I've played cricket since I was a child, all at the same club too but this last year I've just not been able to face it and really don't know why. And modelling, just sit there and couldn't really get into it and sometimes almost seemed scared to do anything. Writing that down makes it seem just silly! But when you're engulfed by it, it just takes over.

But... This last week or so I've made a big effort and forced myself to or make something and it's lovely how good do something creative has felt! And you can see the progress made so far.

It'll be 47380 Immingham running as it was just before withdrawal in the summer of 1992. It was a bit of an oddball - oval buffers for traffic on the Barton branch, cut away buffer beams, extra cab vents, repositioned nose steps and probably a few other details I've forgotten or not noticed yet. Every time I look at newly found photographs I seem to notice something else! It's based on a Lima model with old steel tyred Ultrascale and will soon be covered in Shawplan etchings!

If all of the above seems a little far fetched or simply rubbish, well you've probably been lucky enough to not have experienced poor mental health or seen those close to you go through it. Either way, looking after our mental health is very important.

And maybe railway modelling is good for your health after all?!

4 comments:

  1. Modelling is good for your health. I strongly suspect it keeps quite a few members of my local model railway club alive and well - NEMRC, http://www.newenglandmodelrailwayclub.com/content/index.shtml. With a few notable exceptions we are all retired men who were boys with train sets in the 1950s.
    Poor mental health is never easy to cope with - you don't look ill. Depression has stalked me on and off over the last year since Dorothy, my partner of 40 years, died.
    Take what ever you can from the fact that you have at least one fan of your blog in far off Australia. I look forward to your posts and always find them an interesting mix the personal, high end modelling and photos of 1/1 scale "models".

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    1. Thank you for you kind comment Jon!

      Not looking ill is an interesting one - I find that if anyone has noticed something's up my reply tends to be "I'm just tired" when that's not what I mean at all...

      It's always nice to hear of anyone taking an interest in my railway activities, both small and big! :-)

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  2. It's brave of you to talk about depression and I know exactly what you mean about feeling flat and not having the inner momentum to do anything. I have suffered from mild depression for over 30 years and often it lays me low for months at a time. Like you, I have an understanding partner and lovely (grown up) children who are so supportive. Sometimes I just think...here I am in Porthmadog, where most guys would give their right arm to be, trains everywhere and I'm like whatever...
    I've been OK for a few months now, here's hoping you are on a positive road- the quality of your modelling is an inspiration, and that's from somebody who doesn't like diesels and modern trains :-)

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    1. Brave or a little bit to open and honest?!

      I've thought about this a lot recently, and I think it's just that I think I should be honest and not be embarrassed by it. I'm me, this has probably been in the backbground all the time but over the last couple of years it's just affected me a little more. It's not affected my sense of humour, it's probably enhanced my sarcasm skills! I realised that so often if someone notices I'm a bit down, who doesn't know, asks how I am that I respond with "I'm tired" when I really want to say that I'm feeling sad or unhappy.

      What it has shown me is just who my real friends are and how much people care. Friends who have gone above and beyond what I could ever have expected from them, being very selflessand very supportive - I'm very thankful for this. Sadly the other way some people who I thought were friends have acted as though it's highly contageous and simply abandoned me. I realise now, depsite feeling hurt before, that they're people I really don't need around me...

      I'm convinced that depression and anxiety aren't dependant on where you live or how much money you, although your environment can affect things significantly. Sounds like a contradiction but I hope you get what I mean! You live in narrow gauge heaven and I play with the big train set everyday, both things many grown men would love to be doing!

      Thank you for your comment as a whole, and for what you put about my modelling - I wouldn't have thought it was inspiring! That would be a term I would use for those lovely sheds you have really built!

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